


Home is Where the Hart- WTF?!

by solarift



Series: Family Matters [2]
Category: Bridget Jones's Diary - All Media Types, Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Bill & Sharon are Harry and Mark's parents, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Gen, M/M, Michelle and Bridget are sisters, twins au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-24
Updated: 2017-02-24
Packaged: 2018-09-26 14:50:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,334
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9906965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/solarift/pseuds/solarift
Summary: There was no way she was seeing /him/ here of all people… was there?No, no, she’d just arrived at the address of 212 Pickledlilly Drive, was invited in by said sister’s fiance’s parents before being ushered in to see this… this! This two timing rat bastard!Michelle had marched forward then as the posh tosser had the gall to smile at her and extend a hand in greeting. Instead of taking the proffered hand, she decked him one right in the noggin. How dare Harry Hart do this to her son, and with Eggsy's aunt no less?!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Can be read as a standalone, though I encourage you to check out the first part of this series as it goes further in depth and there are a bunch of references in this one from that. Not betad. I hope you all enjoy!

 

Mark hissed when the makeshift cold press touched his skin. Bridget winced in sympathy, apologizing again under her breath as she took a seat next to him. She shot a glare over at the blonde woman on the settee across from them.

“Oh don’t you give me that look, Birdie!”

“Stop calling me that, Chelle, we aren’t kids anymore.” Bridget busied herself, flushing, as she fussed over Mark’s injury.

Michelle Unwin rolled her eyes heavenward. “I was only defending Gary, and well, you too, obviously! Least I thought I was,” she mumbled, beet red as she sunk further into the cushions, hoping the couch would possibly devour her whole.

A ringing laughter, like bells, chimed from beside Michelle as the woman perched against the arm of the couch patted her shoulder comfortingly. “Not to worry dear, our boy Mark here is a hardy lad,” Sharon Hart said kindly before turning a devious smirk to her husband. “Despite his rather poor attempts at fighting, or so I’ve heard.”

“Mother,” Mark intoned. “I’d hardly say I was _deficient_ when it comes to fighting… And also a true gentleman would never stoop so low as to hit a woman, much less one’s own fiancé’s sister who happens to be in possession of a mean right hook.”

“What I think Mark’s trying to say is that he was hardly anticipating the sudden frontal assault and we’re all quite surprised a slapping fight didn’t immediately break out,” Bill laughed out loud, trying to soften the situation. “Besides, I personally think you’d be used to things hitting you in the face at this point, son; didn’t you take a rubbish bin to the head from that Cleaver fellow all those years ago?” Bill’s chuckles increased as his wife came to sit beside him, slapping his shoulder playfully.

Mark colored, grumbling. “Father, that was hardly-”

“Yes, Bill, really, how terribly juvenile of you. Our boy here was defending the love of his life, while simultaneously peacocking for all the world to see,” Sharon added rather jovially. Bill Darcy’s guffaws started up once more as his wife sighed dramatically. “I mean really, Marcus, you let your temper get the better of you far more often than even Henry does,” Sharon tutted.

“I _highly_ doubt that,” Mark muttered lowly.

Michelle made a pained expression despite the humor the family was treating their little misunderstanding with.

“I’m so terribly sorry, Mrs. Hart and, uh, Mark was it? I truly hadn’t any idea that you were-“

“Hello?” a voice came from the entryway.

“Oh, they’ve arrived!” Sharon said happily. “In here, darlings!”

Mark refused to look up from the cold pack Bridget still pressed to the side of his face, and instead shuffled a mite closer, trying his best to blend into the background, however impossible it might have been. Christ, Harry’ll never let him live this down.

“Hey, everyone, sorry we’re late we- _Mum?!!_ ” Eggsy Unwin exclaimed, nearly tripping over his own socked feet as he entered the living area and took stock of its occupants. His shocked face went from his mum to Sharon to Mark- “What happened?” before they landed on- “Wait, _Auntie Bridge?!_ What are you both doing here?”

“Gary?!” Bridget gawked, standing. Mark floundered for the cold press, mumbling indignantly.

Bridget’s face brightened as she took the young man in; it’d been some years since she’d last seen her nephew, the last time being just after Daisy’d been born. “As I live and breathe… Oh, _Eggsy_ , look how you’ve grown! I knew you’d grow up to be as striking as your father!”

Eggsy’s shocked face broke at the mention of his father and his aunt’s elated smile as he stepped forward to embrace her, eyes darting all around as he was still not sure what was even going on.

“I- um, sorry. Mum, Auntie Bridge, uh,” he gestered to the man behind him. “This is my- uh- well, this is Harry Hart, my-“

Bridget’s eyes narrowed dangerously as she stepped in front of Eggsy to stare Mark’s brother down, or well, stare up at him.

Harry merely remained silent and cocked an amused brow.

“I hope you plan to protect my nephew better than you did his father,” Bridget began icily.

Harry physically winced at that.

Michelle jumped up. “Alright, alright, that’s _enough_ , Birdie, we’ve all worked passed that. There’s no bad blood between us anymore. Though once we explain everything there might be again…” Michelle wilted back into her seat. “Bugger,” she cursed, shoving her face into her hands.

“ _Oh, thank God_ ,” Bridget lost her pristine posture and a smile broke out over her face as she loosened up. “Thought I’d have to give you a mouthful of sisterly retribution had that not been water under the bridge, if you’ll pardon the pun.”

“I see your theatrics haven’t changed at all, Bridget,” Harry intoned dryly. Though passed his unimpressed façade a twinkle lit up his eyes.

“Right, right, it’s good to see you too, Harry,” she replied, smiling ear to ear, embracing the man. Harry huffed, chuckling and hugging back. As they pulled apart he looked over her, head to toe, with a critical eye, noticing something... different in her general measurements.

“Well, I see this winter’s been fortuitous for you; you’ve gone and fattened up again, I see _-Ooph!_ ” Harry gritted his teeth, clutching his stomach where his mother had elbowed him in the solar plexus. “My apologies, it’s probably just due to carrying another life form in your body that’s given me such an erroneous impression of you being overweight.”

“Never change, Hart, never change,” Bridget laughed, holding her belly.

“I hate to point this out… but uh, Mark, what happened to your face?” Eggsy began.

All eyes turned to the grown man pouting as he pressed the cold pack to said face.

“Actually,” Michelle jumped in hastily. “That- that’s my fault. I may have come in, ready to meet my sister’s-”

“Sister?” Harry murmured rather alarmed as he looked back and forth between Bridget and Michelle.

“-fiancé, who up until this point I’d never made it a priority to meet until the engagement and... baby announcement… Christ, have you told mum yet, Birdie?”

Bridget turned red. “N-not just yet?” She busied herself, fussing with the lapels of Harry’s pristine suit, as if inspecting for even a smidge of adversary.

“Good Christ, mum’s going to have kittens!” Michelle groaned.

“Mum, the story?” Eggsy prodded, politely pushing his aunt’s hands away from a very shocked looking Harry, and wasn’t that just a sight to behold.

“Right. Well, I came in, was introduced to Mr. H- er, Darcy and Mrs. Darcy-“

“It’s Mrs. Hart, dear,” Sharon cut in.

“And I- what?”

“It’s a long story,” Sharon sighed dramatically. “We’ll save it for another time. For now, you mustn’t keep your audience waiting, we’re finally reaching the exciting buildup before the climax!” Sharon said excitedly.

“And well, I- that is to say-“

“For God’s sake, she thought I was _you!_ ” Mark exclaimed, loudly cutting in as he nodded at Harry. Who at least had the decency to blink silently as his mind wrapped around the information and put it all together. “She thought I was you, saw me holding Bridget and when I got up to greet her she socked me right in the face,” he finished, red as a fire engine.

The silence was nearly deafening before Eggsy and Harry simultaneously broke out into uproarious laughter.

“She thought you were-”

“And then mum punched-“

“Someone tell me they captured it on some kind of device-“

“Merlin ‘n Rox are gonna love this! I can’t-“

“Michelle, you have my blessing to hit my brother should the fancy ever strike-“

The laughing didn’t die down for the rest of the evening, everyone taking turns of telling embarrassing stories of their sons, lover, fiancé, mum, parents and friends, and never once did any of their mouths turn down from a joyous smile.

This was family after all.

This was home.

 

 

**The end.**

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please let me know what parts made you laugh or think, or any suggestions for future oneshot ideas, etc! I'm really enjoying writing the Hart family and now the Jones and Unwin families too! 
> 
> Come say something to me over at [tumblr](http://solarrift.tumblr.com)!


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